What to do about a lying child

It is not unusual for a child to resort to lying or dishonesty to get his or her way. In this world of instant gratification those two characteristics, though bad, do get immediate results.

The problem is, like most bad things, what we humans rely on to get what we want can soon become a habit. In your child's case, dishonesty will more than likely become a habit if not confronted.

Unintentionally, most parents tend to model instant gratification when it comes to getting rid of bad character traits in children. We panic when immediate results aren't achieved. So before I give some suggestions, let me remind you that passing a Godly Heritage is a "process" not an "event." It becomes the parent's responsibility to manage the "process", then God will be responsible for the product. We can't do His job...and He won't do ours.

The primary step to success is for parents to consistently model honesty in the home (always, not usually). In the everydayness of life children are gulping down their surroundings and the tone parents set in the home is critical. For children, good character traits are caught more than taught.

Second, help the child understand why he or she should not be dishonest...most importantly, God's Word teaches honesty, and that dishonesty will eventually cause hurt. Being dishonest might serve a purpose for what is wanted right now, but choices always come with consequences. When parents find there has been dishonesty, an appropriate consequence should follow that discovery.

Third, read or tell them stories (from the Bible and history) about people who are known for honesty and how we value those people today. When an appropriate story illustrating the honesty issue hits the news (and it will, often) dwell on it...ask how that person could have avoided the dishonesty and what they should do to make it right. Use it as a teachable moment to overtly praise honesty or to openly show disappointment for the opposite.

(Note: Ten year olds naturally respond to the word disappointment. Whether it shows or not, they do not want to disappoint parents.)

In our role (the process) as parents, we need to show that we value honesty. Over the long haul, our children will catch that component of the legacy we are passing and it will become valuable to them also.

Below is one way to open dialogue about the question of honesty!

During a family night with our grandchildren, we let them believe we were going to have pizza for an evening meal. We spread the comforter on the floor near the fireplace, set the drinks and plates before them and a box that should contain pizza...at least it had pizza written on it. After opening the box they discovered, instead of pizza, cauliflower and broccoli stalks. That set up a conversation of how dishonest it was to allow them to get excited about pizza, and the box only contained what they disliked. We talked about how that made them feel disappointed and tied it to how parents feel disappointed when they to are fooled with dishonesty.

Then mom retrieved the box with the actual hot pizza in it!

Needless to say, it gave us a conversation piece about honesty for a long time.

I hope this helps!