Kyle's Rite of Passage

Kyle's Rite of Passage

 

I was honored to have been invited to participate and serve on the wisdom counsel of a young man named Kyle, whose parents were celebrating their son's rite of passage.  The following was in a note sent to me from Kyle's dad as to what to expect at the actual ceremony. The event would follow these guidelines. Of course there were more but these were the important ones to me.

 

The Purpose:  To formally invite Kyle to join the ranks of men by accepting responsibility for his own spiritual growth.

 

The Plan:  Several Christian men who have influenced Kyle's life will spend time discussing manhood and inviting him to move beyond childhood by accepting responsibility for becoming a man of God. 

 

The Event:  Each man is asked to write a letter to Kyle on the assigned topic to read during the evening ceremony and present some small item/gift that is symbolic of their topic/charge.  Kyle will be invited to read his own letter accepting the invitation to manhood and then his dad will lead the men in blessing prayer.

 

The letter each man wrote and read was the charge to this young man from him to take responsibility for becoming a true friend to others by serving them, supporting them when they need it, and modeling Jesus' example of "laying down one's life for his friends."

 

When my time came, here is some of what I wrote to Kyle.

 

In 1917, when the American troops were preparing to sail across the seas in order to take to the battlefields of France and Belgium in the First World War, the New York Bible Society asked President Theodore Roosevelt to inscribe a message in a Bible that each soldier would be given. He happily complied, and he began by quoting Micah 6:8 – The passage reads, "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God."

 

Why do you think Roosevelt chose this passage? One author responded by saying: "The foes of our own household will surely prevail against us unless there dwells in our people an inner life which finds its expression in an inner morality like that preached by the seers and prophets of God when the grandeur of Greece and the glory that was Rome still lay in the future."

 

The antidote to arrogance and self-centeredness is a heavy dose of humility which the Micah mandate calls for. That heavy dose of humility will be swallowed best when it is chased by the two mentioned ingredients, justice and mercy!

 

You see Kyle, Micah calls for us to DO justice. First, that means to have a clear conscience. Even an accountability partner can not insure this clear conscience except that accountability partner be an honest conscience guided and confirmed by our God.

 

Second, to do justice Kyle, is to do what is right! I learned a similar lesson to this in marching band. There was a plan given me and others around me by a higher authority and I was only one part of the whole. In order for the plan to play out effectively and beautifully in the eyes and ears the spectators, I had to find that designed place in the midst of a host of others looking for their place -- all the while distracted by responsibilities I had been given that concern the tool (trumpet) in my hand! My entire focus was to do right by all who were in this designed plan with me. Life's journey is very similar. This call is the Inward Call!

 

Next, Micah calls on us to love mercy. Not to DO mercy but to LOVE mercy. There have been many arguments as to which virtue is the highest of all virtues. Many say honesty is the highest but I believe it is mercy. God does not give us what we honestly deserve, in fact He gives to us what we honestly do not deserve – in this, I am glad mercy trumps honesty in the heart of God toward me. He knows that we will automatically do what we love, so he commands us to love mercy! This mercy is to be shown to our fellow man.

 

Then we walk humbly before our God. By accomplishing the first two, our life's walk will automatically be an expedition in humility! A humble heart calls us to seek and serve Christ toward ALL persons by giving ourselves willingly to the welfare of other people.

 

This expedition will not be easy. There will be a myriad of obstacles before us that could discourage us.

 

An interesting map is on display in the British Museum in London. It's an old mariner's chart, drawn in 1525, outlining the North American coastline and adjacent waters. The cartographer made some intriguing notations on areas of the map that represented regions not yet explored. He wrote: "Here be giants," "Here be fiery scorpions," and "Here be dragons." Eventually, the map came into the possession of Sir John Franklin, a British explorer in the early 1800's. Scratching out the fearful inscriptions, he wrote these words across the map: "Here is God."

 

Were there dragons "out there" Kyle? No. And, one day, someone possessed of the faith that "God inhabits the unknowns" and with the boldness to begin, set off and discovered a New World. This is what I hope for you Kyle!  There is a vast unknown in a life determined to discover the unknown potential that lies just off the map. If we can summon the boldness and cast our lot with God who architected us and architects futures and lays out designs, what we've always wanted may lay just off the map. But in the process you must do justice, and love mercy, and walk humbly before your God!

 

Heritage Builders offers a book that outlines the steps of a "Rite of Passage," Spiritual Milestones. I hope you will read it and seriously consider where this fits into the life of your child when he/she reaches adolescence and is looking out into the future – the unknown. What a stabilizing event this will become in their life!

 

 

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Introducing your children to what you believe

Question: “I have heard you say that the most important responsibility for Christian parents is to teach their children about Jesus Christ. We are new Christians and new parents. How do we go about introducing our children to what we believe? (T.M. Omaha Nebraska)

Answer: The best approach is found in the instruction given to the children of Israel by Moses more than four thousand years ago. He wrote, "Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." (Deuteronomy 6:7-9).

This commandment provides the key to effective spiritual training at home. It isn't enough to pray with your children each night, although family devotions are important. We must live the principles of faith throughout the day. References to the Lord and our beliefs should permeate our conversation and our interactions with our kids. Our love for Jesus should be understood to be the first priority in our lives. We must miss no opportunities to teach the components of our theology and the passion that is behind it. As you've said, I believe this teaching task is the most important assignment God has given to us as parents.

The reason this is such a critical responsibility is that the world will intentionally be giving your children very different messages in the days ahead. It leaves your child vulnerable to a myriad of wrong choices (including eternity) if not counterbalanced with a firm spiritual foundation at home.

Instead, you become intentional!

This is one task about which we parents cannot afford to hope it happens by accident.

 

What to do about a lying child

It is not unusual for a child to resort to lying or dishonesty to get his or her way. In this world of instant gratification those two characteristics, though bad, do get immediate results.

The problem is, like most bad things, what we humans rely on to get what we want can soon become a habit. In your child's case, dishonesty will more than likely become a habit if not confronted.

Unintentionally, most parents tend to model instant gratification when it comes to getting rid of bad character traits in children. We panic when immediate results aren't achieved. So before I give some suggestions, let me remind you that passing a Godly Heritage is a "process" not an "event." It becomes the parent's responsibility to manage the "process", then God will be responsible for the product. We can't do His job...and He won't do ours.

The primary step to success is for parents to consistently model honesty in the home (always, not usually). In the everydayness of life children are gulping down their surroundings and the tone parents set in the home is critical. For children, good character traits are caught more than taught.

Second, help the child understand why he or she should not be dishonest...most importantly, God's Word teaches honesty, and that dishonesty will eventually cause hurt. Being dishonest might serve a purpose for what is wanted right now, but choices always come with consequences. When parents find there has been dishonesty, an appropriate consequence should follow that discovery.

Third, read or tell them stories (from the Bible and history) about people who are known for honesty and how we value those people today. When an appropriate story illustrating the honesty issue hits the news (and it will, often) dwell on it...ask how that person could have avoided the dishonesty and what they should do to make it right. Use it as a teachable moment to overtly praise honesty or to openly show disappointment for the opposite.

(Note: Ten year olds naturally respond to the word disappointment. Whether it shows or not, they do not want to disappoint parents.)

In our role (the process) as parents, we need to show that we value honesty. Over the long haul, our children will catch that component of the legacy we are passing and it will become valuable to them also.

Below is one way to open dialogue about the question of honesty!

During a family night with our grandchildren, we let them believe we were going to have pizza for an evening meal. We spread the comforter on the floor near the fireplace, set the drinks and plates before them and a box that should contain pizza...at least it had pizza written on it. After opening the box they discovered, instead of pizza, cauliflower and broccoli stalks. That set up a conversation of how dishonest it was to allow them to get excited about pizza, and the box only contained what they disliked. We talked about how that made them feel disappointed and tied it to how parents feel disappointed when they to are fooled with dishonesty.

Then mom retrieved the box with the actual hot pizza in it!

Needless to say, it gave us a conversation piece about honesty for a long time.

I hope this helps!

How to lead your child to Christ

I am constantly asked by parents as to how they should respond to questions asked by their children. The answer most asked for concerns the salvation of their children:

 “When should I approach the subject?”

 “What should I say?”

“What shouldn’t I say?”

“How do I know they are ready?”

My wife Gail taught “Child Growth and Development” in a Christian college a few years back. One of her lessons covered this subject. The following is part of her outline.

 

Some Things to Consider Ahead of Time:

·         Realize that God is more concerned about your child’s eternal destiny and happiness than you are.  “The Lord … is long-suffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.” (2 Peter 3:9)

·         Pray specifically beforehand that God will give you insights and wisdom in dealing with each child on his or her maturity level.

·         Don’t use terms like “take Jesus into your heart,” “dying  and going to hell,” and “accepting Christ as your personal Savior.”  Children are too literal (“How does Jesus breathe in my heart?”) or the words are too clichéd and trite for their understanding.

·         Deal with each child alone, and don’t be in a hurry.  Make sure he or she understands.  Discuss.  Take your time.

 

A Few Cautions:

·         When drawing children to Himself, Jesus said for others to “allow” them to come to Him (Mark 10:14).  Only with adults did He use the term “compel” (Luke 14:23).  Do not compel children.

·         Remember that unless the Holy Spirit is speaking to the child, there will be no genuine heart experience of regeneration.  Parents, don’t get caught up in the idea that Jesus will return the day before you were going to speak to your child about salvation and that it will be too late.  Look at God’s character – He is love!  He is not dangling your child’s soul over hell.  Wait on God’s timing.  Pray with faith, believing.  Be concerned, but don’t push.

THE PLAN:

1)    God loves you.  Recite John 3:16 with your child’s name in place of “the world.”

2)   Show the child his or her need of a Savior.                              

a)    Deal with sin carefully.  There is one thing that cannot enter heaven – sin.

b)    Be sure your child knows what sin is.  Ask him to name some (things common to children – lying, sassing, disobeying, etc.).  Sin is doing or thinking anything wrong according to God’s Word.  It is breaking God’s Law (Rules).

c)    Ask the question “Have you sinned?”  If the answer is “no,” do not continue.  Urge him to come and talk to you again when he does feel that he has sinned.  Dismiss him.  You may want to have prayer first, however, thanking God “for this young child who is willing to do what is right.”  Make it easy for him to talk to you again, but do not continue.  Do not say, “Oh, yes, you have too sinned!” and then name some.  With children, wait for God’s conviction.

d)    If the answer is “yes,” continue.  He may even give a personal illustration of some sin he has done recently or one that has bothered him.

e)    Tell him what God says about sin:  We’ve all sinned (“There is none righteous, no, not one,” Rom. 3:10).  And because of that sin, we can’t get to God (“For the wages of sin is death…” Rom. 6:23).  So He had to come to us (“…but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord,” Rom 6:23).

f)     Relate God’s gift of salvation to Christmas gifts – we don’t earn them or pray for them; we just accept them and are thankful for them.

3)    Bring the child to a definite decision.

a)   Christ must be received if salvation is to be possessed.                   

b)   Remember, do not force a decision.

c)   Ask the child to pray out loud in her own words. Give her some things she could say if she seems unsure.  Now be prepared for a blessing!  (It is best to avoid having the child repeat a memorized prayer after you.  Let her think, and make it personal.)*

d)   After salvation has occurred, pray for her out loud. This is a good way to pronounce a blessing on her.

 

4).   Lead your child into assurance.

 

Show him that he will have to keep his relationship open with God through repentance and forgiveness (just like with his family and friends), but that God will always love him (“I will never leave you nor forsake you,” Heb. 13:5).

*If you wish to guide your child through the prayer, here is some suggested language:

 

“Dear God, I know that I am a sinner [have child name specific sins he or she acknowledged earlier, such as lying, stealing, disobeying, etc.]. I know that Jesus died on the cross to pay for all my sins. I ask you to forgive me of my sins. I believe that Jesus died for me and rose again from the dead, and I accept Him as my Savior. Thank you for loving me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”